My Kids Might Be A-Holes And Other Things I Learned On My Family Vacation

The gas station was only a quarter mile away. I told Balthazar we’d walk to get cash. We’d be back by the time the doctor at the local urgent care called our names. We weren’t two feet out of the doctor’s office when Balt started to complain. He didn’t stop for the duration of the… Read More

Oh No, Not The Guy With The Clipboard Outside The Grocery Store

I don’t mind going to the grocery store. It’s the leaving I don’t like. I dread the onslaught of otherwise unemployed college grads standing outside the exit who have been hired by some anonymous group to get patrons to sign petitions, support their causes, or give money to charities unknown.  The grocery store isn’t my place of charity worship. It’s… Read More

Let’s Talk About How To Use A Line

The door to my daughter’s pre-school classroom opens out. To the right of the entrance is a sign-in sheet for parents to sign their child in or out. To the left are the children’s cubbies. And on the right, just past the sign-in sheet, is the rest of the classroom. The placement of the sign-in… Read More

My Dysfunctional Relationship With Waze

It started out innocent enough, my relationship with the real time driving app Waze. When my son transferred to a new school 25 minutes from home, I figured the drive would be no problem. “I’ve been driving for 20 years,” I thought to myself. “I’ve got this.” But I didn’t have this because my kid… Read More

How To Get Famous At A Funeral

My buddy April Peveteaux and I were at a funeral here in Los Angeles. After the service, there was reception. April and I were chatting, nothing raucous or wild, but I guess the funeral brought out the funny in us. So our friend Adam, who produces a network of podcasts here in Los Angeles just happened… Read More

A Letter To My Daughter’s Future Therapist

Dear Dr. Somebody, The other day Margaux told me that God gave her one dimple so she’d always have a place to store my kisses. She’s five and she says things like that all the time because that’s what five year olds do, they woo you with cuteness. Margaux’s brother is eight and he woos… Read More

Potato Chips & Everything Else I Needed To Survive The Goop 2016 Detox Cleanse

There are a few things you’ll need to know about me before we begin. First, I don’t hate Gwyneth Paltrow. In fact, I resisted joining the dog pile on Gwyneth bandwagon even when it seemed like everyone else was already there. I held out strong making comments like, “Okay so she thinks housewives should by… Read More

When A Mother Calls Direct TV

It wasn’t until I had been on the phone with Ambar from Direct TV for 20 minutes that I noticed how much time had passed. Through his thick Indian accent, Ambar informed me over and over again that he would be pleased to help me with my concerns and wanted to know how he could… Read More