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A Letter From John Travolta’s Necklace
Well that was a fun show, right? Oh no, not the Oscars. That was a veritable snooze-fest if I’ve ever seen one. I’m talking about the show onstage when my friend John Travolta gave Idina Menzel googley-eyes and then face-raped her with his probably unwashed hands. Women love to have their faces touched, even squeezed,… Read More
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Why Are You Holding Your Penis?
It happened much quicker than I thought. Sure I figured when the kid was 12, 13 years old we’d have the conversation with him. We’d explain how it worked and the responsibility of doing it. He’d be old enough to handle the implications. But it seems the kids are more sophisticated than I thought and… Read More
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How To Survive Winter When Mother Nature Keeps Messing With You
Today in Los Angeles it was 89 degrees in the shade. For those of you digging out your driveways on the East Coast, I understand the thought of griping about year round summer probably gets your thermal underwear in a bunch. But let me tell you, year round summer is no party. Back when I… Read More
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Edible Chocolate Anuses and Other Things I Don’t Want For Valentine’s Day
In general I prefer to avoid anuses. I pass no judgment upon anyone who is in to anuses, but I’m a Jewish girl and we Jewesses are notoriously not into anything that rhymes with the word “shmanus.” About 6 weeks ago my son got anal strep, which many of you probably didn’t know existed until… Read More
Inside Bad Sandy.com
Why So Sullen, Kanye?
My Letter To Gwyneth Paltrow Regarding Her Suggestion I Poop Soup
How To Stay Married Despite Your Husband’s Trip To The Grocery Store
My Conversation With Sean Penn About Marriage
My Letter To Gwyneth Paltrow Regarding Her Suggestion To Steam My Vagina
The Second Place Parent
All The Sex You’re Going To Have When You’re Married
Why Can’t Spam Have Better Grammar
How To Get A Coat On A Child
Don’t Judge A Mother By Her Cover
How To Survive Your Husband’s Cold
My Letter To Actor Taye Diggs Who Follows Me On Twitter
My 7-Year-Old’s Review Of Into The Woods
My Letter To The People Who Accidentally Sent Me Their Kid’s Christmas Gift
Never Do Conflict In Email-The Most Helpful Advice You’ll Ever Receive
The Elf On The Shelf Is Bullshit
A Letter From Your To-Do List
A Mother’s Confession On Thanksgiving
My Letter To Gwyneth Paltrow Regarding Her GOOP Holiday Gift Guide
What Your Salesperson Is Really Thinking On Black Friday
My Letter To People Who Speak In Emoji
The Fuck Diet
My Letter To The Woman Who Asked My 7-Year-Old If He Had A Girlfriend
The Creepy Things I Say To My Children
What Every Parent Is Thinking On Halloween
Confessions Of A Failed Soccer Mom
Don’t Tell Me To Just Wait For My Kids To Become Teens
The Last Tampon
There’s A Stranger In His Underpants In My Pool
