A Letter From John Travolta’s Necklace
Well that was a fun show, right? Oh no, not the Oscars. That was a veritable snooze-fest if I’ve ever seen one. I’m talking about the show onstage when my friend John Travolta gave Idina Menzel googley-eyes and then face-raped her with his probably unwashed hands. Women love to have their faces touched, even squeezed,… Read More
Why Are You Holding Your Penis?
It happened much quicker than I thought. Sure I figured when the kid was 12, 13 years old we’d have the conversation with him. We’d explain how it worked and the responsibility of doing it. He’d be old enough to handle the implications. But it seems the kids are more sophisticated than I thought and… Read More
How To Survive Winter When Mother Nature Keeps Messing With You
Today in Los Angeles it was 89 degrees in the shade. For those of you digging out your driveways on the East Coast, I understand the thought of griping about year round summer probably gets your thermal underwear in a bunch. But let me tell you, year round summer is no party. Back when I… Read More
Edible Chocolate Anuses and Other Things I Don’t Want For Valentine’s Day
In general I prefer to avoid anuses. I pass no judgment upon anyone who is in to anuses, but I’m a Jewish girl and we Jewesses are notoriously not into anything that rhymes with the word “shmanus.” About 6 weeks ago my son got anal strep, which many of you probably didn’t know existed until… Read More